Saturday 9th January 2016
It’s early in the morning and my boyfriend and I are on the M3 heading down to Southampton to pick up the ferry to the Isle of Wight. He hands me a big stack of CDs for the journey. Automatically I select a best of David Bowie CD and we enjoy the tracks from the seventies as we head to the terminal. He is a recent convert to ‘Moonage Daydream’ after it featured in the film Guardians of the Galaxy.
When we resume listening after the ferry I have a strange and fleeting thought, which I immediately repress; “how will I react when David Bowie dies?”. I don’t formulate a response in my head to this. Why should I?
In the evening I start to re-read one of my favourite books: The Buddha of Suburbia by Hanif Kureishi. Again Bowie is present: referenced in the tale of Karim’s adolescence on the outskirts of London and of his exotic half brother,Charlie Hero, who at the start of the tale is definitely aiming to be the next Bowie. By the end of the book he’s the next Sid Vicious. Bowie also did the soundtrack to the 1993 BBC2 adaptation.
Sunday 10th January 2016
We’re in a pub for a few afternoon pints listening to a local radio station. The feature is Top ten best selling British male solo artists. As the DJ countdowns we wager where Bowie will feature. He comes in at number 3 and they play ‘Ashes to Ashes’, one of my favourites.
Monday 11th January 2016
I wake a little after 9am (we’re away for a long weekend) and see a text from a colleague. It’s rare for him to text me. All it says is ‘Bowie…’. I am mystified. Sleepily I wonder if he’s referring to the new album that came out on Friday. Then I get a horrible idea what it may be referring to and quickly check the BBC News App.
It’s there but I can’t take it in. I shake my boyfriend awake. It’s his birthday but instead of greeting him with a cheery Happy Birthday I just show him my phone.
I feel absolutely devastated and shocked. I read as many of the reports as I can but it still doesn’t feel real. How can it be? He just released a new album and worked on a play in New York.
As more information comes in I find it very hard to process. The age and the illness are far too close to the bone: my Father was diagnosed with advanced cancer 18 months ago and whilst the prognosis seems okay at the moment I know I haven’t been facing up to it as much as I should be. I end up sobbing but unsure who I’m crying about. I talk about my Dad but in my mind the two are blurred and inseparable.
I register I’ve never cried at a death of a celebrity before. Not even Kurt Cobain when I was 17.
I muddle through the day. I have to visit a donkey sanctuary and go out for a meal. I welcome the distractions but my mind is elsewhere. I look at the donkeys and eat a Thai curry in a pub, without enthusiasm, but my mind is wandering and my smile is faked.
I was born in 1976 and grew up in the 1980s. Therefore my early memories of Bowie are associated with ‘Dancing in the Streets’, ‘Under Pressure’, the duet with Bing Crosby where he wore a snazzy jumper and a bizarre appearance at the start of ‘The Snowman’. I remember ‘Absolute Beginners’ being in the charts but I was too young to see the film (I saw this in the late nineties and was very disappointed). I watched ‘Labyrinth’ a few times but wasn’t a huge fan, never been much of a sci-fi or fantasy gal.
Still, he was something of legend in my family as my Auntie had been completely obsessed by him and used to dress like him and dye and style her hair like his. This was told to me as I went through a cringey phase of dressing like Madonna.
In my mid teens my musical tastes were very much rooted in the indie scene and as part of this I discovered Bowie’s back catalogue: Magical.
It also makes me think of my old friend Chris who was the biggest Bowie fan I ever met. You can read more about Chris here:
https://yousaythatnow.wordpress.com/2014/01/02/star-man/
In 2013 I was fortunate enough to catch the retrospective at the V&A and continued to have vivid dreams of it for some time after. So much so that when I planned my visit to New York in 2014 I mentioned seeing it again to my boyfriend to his bemusement. Of course it wasn’t exhibiting there: I’d dreamed it.
Tuesday 12th January 2016
The news is no longer top on the BBC’s feed (striking junior doctors has taken over) so for a nano-second on Tuesday morning I hope it’s not true.
I buy several newspapers and secure some more from friends and family. I start to think of tattoos and necklaces (of which more later).
I ask my Auntie for her thoughts and memories and am delighted to receive the following:
I was just 15 when Space Oddity was released. I remember watching it on TV and was immediately hooked. Shortly afterwards I dyed my hair red, much to the horror of my family, following which I began using quite garish make up from Biba. This involved the use of black lipstick and nail varnish. I remember being admitted to hospital and the nurses trying to remove the nail varnish before the consultant saw it! I was a very diehard fan, buying every single and album he ever brought out and following his fashion trends – although I did draw the line at the lightening stripe, preferring instead to use glitter and stars and food colouring in my bleached blonde hair (his current look at the time). My bedroom walls were covered in his images, even having one on the ceiling above my bed. I find it hard to believe he has gone but his music will live on
Wednesday 13th January 2016
I visit the Tatty Devine store in London and order a ‘Bowie’ necklace. Red laser cut perspex with a blue lightning bolt. The girls in the store are lovely and one asks me how many cries I’ve had so far.
I also wear my lightning bolt earrings to work, which I purchased at the V&A, slightly outré for work but I don’t care.
I develop an idea for an intermediate tattoo. I already have some star designs on my lower back and down my side, finishing on my ribs. I plan to have ‘And the stars look very different today’ added between the two designs.
I want a separate Bowie design but can’t decide what. There are a few on the internet but it seems the antithesis of Bowie’s sheer individuality and uniqueness to copy someone else’s.
I still can’t listen to anything but there is a constant soundtrack in my head.
Thursday 14th January 2016
After work I walk from Covent Garden to Heddon Street. This is where the album cover for Ziggy Stardust was shot and I’ve been meaning to pop by for a while to look at the plaque.
The backstreet, a stone’s throw away from glitzy Regent St, has been developed in recent times and the plaque is tucked between a plethora of fancy bars and restaurants. It’s bitterly cold but quiet on my visit. Beneath the plaque sits a carpet of flowers, messages, candles, glitter and other assorted tributes. The tears come as I stand and take pictures.
Alan Rickman died today. Same age, same illness.
Friday 15th January 2016
Working my way up to listening to the songs again I find myself googling clips of ‘Stella Street’ on Youtube for a giggle. Channel Five catch me unawares in a programme about 1985 and show a clip from the ‘Dancing in the Streets’ video… of all songs…!
Saturday 16th January 2016
I watch a few programmes on i-player including one about Ziggy Stardust.
I’m getting there.
Tentatively I listen to ‘Modern Love’ and ‘Velvet Goldmine’ and all seems ok so far. I’m not sure I can cope with something like ‘Heroes’ just yet!
Sunday 17th January 2016
I find a few more programmes to indulge in. A documentary on one of the entertainment channels and the Glass Spider tour which I’ve seen before. Again I’m hit with the huge regret of never seeing him play live.
As the tweet that was doing the rounds says:
If you’re ever sad, just remember the world is 4.543 billion years old and you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie
yousaythatnow 